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Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget

For insight into the crazy world around us, and into your own pysche, you will want to read this book.

Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget

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Review of Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget, by Dr. Marianne J. Legato, MD, FACP

Reviewer: Mark Lamendola, author of over 5,000 articles.

Diversity is great, but tolerance and understanding are rare. Men often expect women to think and behave as men, and vice-versa. When this doesn't happen, we can be impatient to the point of rudeness. Women frequently assume an insult or indifference that isn't there. Men are frequently miffed when women dredge up an issue we thought was already resolved. The misperceptions can easily poison a relationship, and often do.

But men and women are attracted to each other precisely because we are different. We complement each other. Perhaps if we understand in what ways we are constitutionally different, we'll not only tolerate the differences but learn to enjoy them. This book provides the means to take a giant step in that direction.

While the "why" of these differences is a matter of philosophy, religion, and speculation, the "what" of them is becoming increasingly clear. Dr. Legato reveals the "what" in a nonjudgmental manner. As a physician, she's trained to analyze information and provide healing advice--that's her perspective. This book reflects that, thus making it a useful tool to anyone seeking to have healthy relationships.

We all are familiar with the sex-specific traits that irritate and exasperate. Most of us aren't familiar with the studies that show men and women process information with different parts of their brains. We aren't familiar with the myriad other differences, and these go all the way down to the cellular level.

This book begins with a scenario that sounds all too familiar. It's a quarrel, and you can empathize with both sides as it unrolls. Dr. Legato then takes us behind that quarrel, showing that neither side intended anything negative. But the perceptions of negative intention ran high.

If men can learn to say, "She's going to have these expectations of me," we can prevent the kinds of arguments that drive us nuts. Dr. Legato provides insight as to what those expectations might be. Not that we men need to make a list. We just need to remember a few key things, such as the fact that women are nearly always multi-tasking and they hear and listen differently than we do.

If women can learn to say, "He's going to have his own expectations and not see and hear things the way I do," they can also prevent many of the arguments that drive them nuts. As Dr. Legato is a woman and does not pretend to think like a man, she takes the female perspective in much of her text. Personally, I hate it when someone with expertise in one area just assumes expertise in another--so I found Dr. Legato's intellectual honesty to be a real plus.

Part of her intellectual honesty involves looking at things from the physician's perspective, and not pretending to psychoanalyze the entire human race. So, we readers are treated to seeing how the physical brain and the physical body affect our behavior, thought processes, interpersonal communications, and other aspects of who we are and how we relate to others.

But this necessarily opens the door to some other issues, which she discusses in the last three chapters.

Chapter 7 discusses the differences in how men and women react to stress, and the implications that has for us.

Chapter 8 looks at depression, and this information alone justifies the cost of the book because most people who are depressed don't know it and therefore don't do anything about it. Depression is probably more the rule than the exception, though we typically think of depressed people as folks on the verge of suicide. So we think that if we're not feeling suicidal then we must not be depressed. That misperception greatly diminishes our ability to function wholly and to fully enjoy life. Get the book, and read this chapter first.

Chapter 9 touches on a topic that is, frankly, scary to many of us. You've had those days when you can't find your keys, when you jokingly refer to "having a senior moment," or can't remember a friend's phone number. And you wonder, "Am I developing Alzheimer's?" You may also wonder what's wrong with you these days, because you have once again agreed to be in two places at once. As the frequency of these events increases, our response goes from disturbing to alarming.

Understanding what is going on can help us cope. If you're over 40, get the book for this chapter alone. Not only will it help you understand your own situation, but it will help you be more patient with your aging mentors and other important people who increasingly seem to be losing the sharpness that once impressed the heck out of you.

A book like this doesn't come along every day. Nor do we, as people, think much about why we have problems between the sexes. Put these two facts together, and you have a solution to some of the most vexing annoyances that plague us.

Form is important, as it dictates readability. Fortunately, this book scored very well on substance and on form. This book actually uses Standard Written English (SWE). This was a refreshing change from the Pidgin English that so many of today's authors slop onto our reading palettes. The care taken in writing this book shows that the author and publisher actually cared about the reader. That's a huge plus.




About these reviews

You may be wondering why the reviews here are any different from the hundreds of "reviews" posted online. Notice the quotation marks?

I've been reviewing books for sites like Amazon for many years now, and it dismays me that Amazon found it necessary to post a minimum word count for reviews. It further dismays me that it's only 20 words. If that's all you have to say about a book, why bother?

And why waste everyone else's time with such drivel? As a reader of such reviews, I feel like I am being told that I do not matter. The flippancy of people who write these terse "reviews" is insulting to the authors also, I would suspect.

This sound bite blathering taking the place of any actual communication is increasingly a problem in our mindless, blog-posting Webosphere. Sadly, Google rewards such pointlessness as "content" so we just get more if this inanity.

My reviews, contrary to current (non) standards, actually tell you about the book. I always got an "A" on a book review I did as a kid (that's how I remember it anyhow, and it's my story so I'm sticking to it). A book review contains certain elements and has a logical structure. It informs the reader about the book.

A book review may also tell the reader whether the reviewer liked it, but revealing a reviewer's personal taste is not necessary for an informative book review.

About your reviewer

  • Books are a passion of mine. I read dozens of them each year, plus I listen to audio books.
  • Most of my "reading diet" consists of nonfiction. I think life is too short to use your limited reading time on material that has little or no substance. That leads into my next point...
  • In 1990, I stopped watching television. I have not missed it. At all.
  • I was first published as a preteen. I wrote an essay, and my teacher submitted it to the local paper.
  • For six years, I worked as an editor for a trade publication. I left that job in 2002, and still do freelance editing and authoring for that publication (and for other publications).
  • No book has emerged from my mind onto the best-seller list. So maybe I'm presumptuous in judging the work of others. Then again, I do more describing than judging in my reviews. And I have so many articles now published that I stopped counting them at 6,000. When did I stop? Probably 20,000 articles ago! (It's been a while).
  • I have an engineering degree and an MBA, among other "quant" degrees. That helps explain my methodical approach toward reviews.
  • You probably don't know anybody who has made a perfect or near perfect score on a test of Standard Written English. I have. So, a credential for whatever it's worth.

About reading style

No, I do not "speed read" through these. That said, I do read at a fast rate. But, in contrast to speed reading, I read everything when I read a book for review.

Speed reading is a specialized type of reading that requires skipping text as you go. Using this technique, I've been able to consistently "max out" a speed reading machine at 2080 words per minute with 80% comprehension. This method is great if you are out to show how fast you can read. But I didn't use it in graduate school and I don't use it now. I think it takes the joy out of reading, and that pleasure is a big part of why I read.

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