Book Review of: Brocabulary

The New Manifesto of Dude Talk

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Reviewer: Mark Lamendola, author of over 6,000 articles.

I can see where some guys would enjoy Brocabulary. I am not one of those guys.

I must have completely misunderstood the description of this book. For some reason, I thought Brocabulary was going to take a look into how guys relate to each other today. We have code words, like calling someone "bro" when we think that person is a stand-up sort of guy. We say often "Dude" when we are trying to make a point and it's code for, "I'm about to say something clever or important, so listen." Straight guys are straightjacketed when it comes to expressing ourselves, thus the rise of these subtleties. I thought that was what this book was going to be about. It's not.

As it turns out, this book is a massive collection of punnery, neologisms, crude-isms, bar lingo, mysogynisms, homophobisms, and low brow humor in general. It's vapid. It seems squarely aimed at the single guy who is a frat boy (or aspires to be one, or was one not long ago), and whose only real concerns in life are getting laid and not being seen as a homo (by standards only the seriously insecure would care about).

Much of the material read like script lines or background material written for Seann William Scott in some sequel to American Pie. In the movie (and in similar roles in other movies), Scott's character spices things up with this kind of "brocabulary" and this "chick hunting" mentality. Adam Herz, who wrote American Pie, added just enough in the right places, being careful not to overdo it (almost).

Brocabulary overdoes it. In fact, the book consists completely of this kind of shtick. Reading it is like drinking hot sauce straight from the bottle instead of using it to liven up the food (you may prefer the "drinking from the fire hose" metaphor). That isn't necessarily bad. This may appeal to some people's tastes. It doesn't suit mine.

Brocabulary consists of 12 chapters. The first chapter is pretty much a general glossary and worth some snickers to almost anybody. The second chapter is a glossary for bar patrons. To me, bars are places where guys go to fatten their waistlines, pickle their brains, and damage their lungs while practicing lame pickup lines on women who don't have anything useful to do with their time. I didn't give the second chapter more than a cursory scan.

The third chapter, "Player Palaver," goes into the lingo and behavior a Don Juan needs to know. This includes what not to do, as well. If the Don Juan is successful, he can move on to Chapter 4, "Banguage." The content is what the title suggests. However, it has culturally specific references that were completely foreign to me.

Presumably, the Don Juan, after banging enough "hos," will move past one night stands and then need to know the information in Chapter 5, "Hocabulary." The underlying concept here is the man has to show who has the cajones and the woman who was the fulfillment of his manhood in Chapter 4 is a threat to his manhood in Chapter 5. If she is actually the boss, he's a wimp and he will lose face with his "bros."

We move into a different area of life's challenges in Chapter 6, "Chilloquialisms." This chapter looks at what a "bro" needs to know about recreation (chilling) so that he doesn't appear to be unmanly. I found this chapter to be just too alien to my experiences and way of thinking, and read only the first third of it before moving on to the next chapter. Chapters 7 and 8 are about the proper language and etiquette for masturbating and sharing bowel movement moments, respectively. Mercifully, they are short.

In Chapter 9, Maurer goes into the lexicon of praise. He also delves into the proper way of looking up to other guys, so you don't come across as a wimp or a homo. This chapter includes a table listing acceptable idols and unacceptable idols. Chapter 10 explains how to effect the opposite of Chapter 9. It goes into great detail about the proper ways of spurning others so there is no doubt you aren't among the losers.

Chapter 11 is about clothing, and Chapter 12 is about technology. Actually, there is some good advice in these chapters. Maurer's comments, for example, on obsessive texting and other "chained to my device" behaviors are right on target.

If you're in the age group and culture pocket that Maurer wrote for, you will  probably recommend this book to your "bros." If you're outside that demographic, don't buy this book.